M&M’s Now Come in Peanut, Plain and WOKE Colors

It’s like these corporate giants just can’t leave well enough alone. They have a good product, the majority of Americans like them, but what the hell, let’s see what we can do to insult more than half of the nation.

The iconic M&M’s characters are getting a woke-style “inclusive” makeover with new personalities according to their parent company, Mars Inc.

Mars says the “lentils” need to change for a “more dynamic”, progressive world.” I think I just threw up in my mouth, did you?

“M&M’s now come in peanut, plain and woke,” said national radio host Todd Starnes.

“So for the sake of inclusivity M&M’s has made their candy-coated chocolates gender-neutral,” Starnes said. 

For their troubles, the green M&M and the brown M&M will have a more friendly relationship, showcasing a “force supporting women.”

You know, to hell with just being cute candy characters that make you want to catch Santa coming down the chimney, or enjoy some chocolate with a loved one. Let’s make them woke and miserable.

“The man-hating M&M’s are sort of a cross between Eleanor Roosevelt and Velma from Scooby Doo,” Starnes said. “Plain, no nuts.”

This lovely Twitter user chimed in with a ridiculous woke LGBT response.

To which one of our editors on The DC Patriot account responded with.. “It’s because you’re less than 2% of the population… FFS”

Which is completely accurate, why would there be a massive representation when it doesn’t even represent 2% of the entire US population? These people are insane.

Good news though, the Orange M&M will “embrace his true self, worries and all” in a push to relate to Gen Z, the company said. That should help those crybabies who need snuggle puppies and safe places!

But alas, the Red M&M, which has been depicted as a bully in the past has learned his lesson, and he will be kinder to others.

You can view all of the new characters on their website here.

Anyone else need a barf bag?

Matt Couch

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