Company Launches Vagina Flavored Chips so Struggling Millennials Can ‘Lose their V-Card’

If you’re lacking lays, then perhaps there is hope for you. A company has now launched vagina flavored chips, who’s excited for this bag of joy to hit them in the mouth?

If you can’t get vagina in the sack, then perhaps you can get it as a snack? A chip company that caters to sex-starved 30-somethings boasts a new flavor that supposedly tastes like a ladies vajayjay.

Now I’m not really sure where to go from here with this article, as I like most men who’ve had sex and been married a time or two, have tasted a vajayjay or two. I’m not sure I’d ever want it put into a bag or a chip to take with me though.

“After tasting it, you will remember your wildest love adventures, your first real love, and maybe even lose your oral virginity,” reps for Chazz, the Lithuania-based creators of the private-parroting potato chips, claim on their site.

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It’s being called the “P***y of potato chips,” and the insane and kinky creations are inspired by a generation that seems to be in a sex drought among millennials, who allegedly claim they prefer using social media to getting saucy and juicy in the sack.

This is another reason why the Russians, Chinese, Iranians, and North Koreans no longer fear Americans. If you’re a straight male, and you prefer social media over getting laid, you won’t do us any good in battle.

“According to several past years research data around the world, millennials are having 3 times less sex than their parents at the same age,” Chazz claimed of Generation Y’s alleged involuntary celibacy trend, per Jam Press. “It is unbelievable that someone is choosing social media instead of live communication, dating and real sex.”

The news that they aren’t getting laid shouldn’t be stunning to many, this is a generation of safe spaces, snuggle puppies, skinny jeans, and fedoras. I’m stunned that the women aren’t just moist with excitement for today’s male, aren’t you?

Even though studies say that those actually having sex have freakier sex than previous generations. Just because you’re a switch hitter, doesn’t mean your sex is freakier, I think that should be clarified.

However, despite all of that Chaos wanted to replicate sex in a snack form for millennials. The bag of chips will cost much less than a dinner date and a movie at a price point of $9 each. When you think of what it costs to get laid, it’s cheap. Nice dinner, movies, listening to two hours of shit you don’t care about, yeah, it’s a great price, but it’s still not like getting laid or the real thing.

They’ve went all in on this insanity, and even have the slogan “lose your virginity with Chazz” on the bags.

According to the team over at Chazz, they reportedly “selected the five bravest and most experienced team members (boys and girls)” and sent them on individual missions to gather the most private part-approximating flavors.

“At the same time, other colleagues were Googling in forums, comments and found dozens of opinions from different countries what the p—y taste associates with,” the food pornographers wrote of their raunchy recon mission. “After summing up the results, agreeing on all the essential sensations of this taste and additional notes, we formed the task and sent it to the three huge EU manufacturers of spices.”

let’s clarify something, if I remember the smell of your vajayjay, we’re probably not having sex again, that’s not something that should be in the memory hole to begin with.

The folks at Chazz then dissected the results of dozens of samples to a few that best approximated the flavor of love, the fast food firm adjusted the ingredient levels to “reflect this taste as close as possible,” per the site. Now Millennials can apparently and allegedly lose their V-card culinarily.

As of publication of this article, the chips were only available and distributed in Europe. They are sold out, and should be getting new batches at the end of the month per the site.

God Help Us, this is a real thing. As America has become a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah we can only assume this bag of insanity will be in the states soon and on shelves where wandering eyes of children will be mortified, horrified, and parents that actually have a moral compass will and rightfully should be outraged.

Will you be buying a bag of vajayjay chips? Our friend Chad Caton who hosts “I’m Fired Up” summed up our thoughts nicely here at The DC Patriot.

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4 months ago

There are no words. Smh

4 months ago

I imagine the flavor is actually fish n’ chips.